Ladies and gentlemen of the class of 599:
Get a magic weapon.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, getting a magic weapon would be it.
The long-term benefits of having a magic weapon have been proven by retired warriors everywhere, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own non-magic-weapon filled experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the size and durability of your shield. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the size and durability of your shield until you've tried to fight Florentine daggers. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at paintings of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how much you really kicked ass fighting sword-N-board. You are not as bad as the Knotholes.
Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as Marentha trying to hold on to their alchemy. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, like the Death Knights that never take that third slay. Do one thing every day that scares your teammates.
Dodge.
Don't mind the attacks from goblins. Don't put up with goblins with slays.
Be evil.
Don't waste your time on power envy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The match is long and, in the end, it's the dragon with the most human playthings that wins.
Forget all the times you threw the spell and not the verbal. Remember the good round-the-corner and through-the-door-under-the-bunk spell hits. If you have too many spell hits to remember, join Stormguard.
Keep your old kite poles. Throw away your old PVC.
I said Dodge.
Don't feel guilty if you end up dismayed and dead on the top of Bane's Tower. It was all Bane's fault. Some people are able to survive that trip and get out alive. My baron is still in that tower...
Get plenty of armor. Be kind to your ankles. You'll miss them when they're being hacked off.
Maybe you're Eltherion, maybe you aren't. Maybe you'll win against General Whitehand, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40 because your wife thinks you take too many chances. Maybe you'll both be taking too many chances for the same dragon when you're 75. Whatever you do, don't take losing too seriously, or winning either. Your slays were probably be half assed. So were your parries.
Enjoy your healers. Use them every way you can. Don't be afraid to ask for a cure-light from them or of what other people think of it. If you go down, so does he.
Learn to snipe. Even if you have to attack your own teammates and blame it on deathknight-flashbacks.
Avoid fighting a ghoul when you have no armor, even if you have to run away screaming like a girl for help.
Do not look at the list of the 10 most desireable men in Tyrangel unless you are on it 3 times, it will only make you depressed.
Get to know your mage. You never know when your spell dispenser will be gone for good. Be nice to your rogues. They're your last line of defense and the people most likely kill the Death Knight with a dagger from behind.
Understand that teams come and go, but only a respectable few live on in memory. Work hard to bridge the gaps between commoner and noble, because the more responsibility you get, the more you'll miss the people who fought with you when you were young.
Play in Lazarus' Tower once, but leave before it makes you hard. Play in the Cave of a Million-Zillion Zombies once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Be good.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Swords will get lighter. Folks will search your kills. Players will cheat. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you started playing, swords were already light, nobody dared search your kills and players were noble and respected those who had been playing longer than they..
Respect those who have been playing longer than you.
Don't expect anyone heal you. Maybe you have a good healer, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have a kick ass rogue, maybe you won't. But you never know when either one might run out on you and head for the safest ward, with all your stuff.
Don't mess too much with your ritual casters or by the time you're done with them they'll look like Zakhran.
Be suspicious of that rectangular box in the middle of the room, but be patient with those who disarm it. Gathering spell packets is an exercise in diplomacy. And searching your own kills is a way of fishing items from the midden, wiping off the blood, painting over the ugly parts and recycling them for more than they're worth.
But trust me on the magic weapon.
Copyright © 1998, 1999
